For a Pessimist, I am Pretty Optimistic

I hate kids.

Okay, I don’t hate ALL kids. But I definitely can’t stand most kids these days.

It’s a bit amusing how much I hate children. With my outwardly sunny disposition, motherly tendencies, and childish humor, too many have assumed that I’m a nursery school teacher. Even more amusing, I used to want to be a nursery school teacher. But that all changed when I was 11 years old and my brother was born. While he’s smart and way too sensitive for his own good, I’m amazed at how different his and his friend’s upbringing has been from mine and my friends. It’s like they operate on a completely different set of morals! Here’s what I’ve learned about the modern child:

They’re crueler than ever before – It’s no secret that kids will always pick on each other, but am I the only one who has noticed that the methods of teasing have started to get a bit out of control? When I was in junior high the typical thing to do was spread a rumor that So-and-so likes This-and-that-one. At my brother’s public school, the typical thing was to corner the class nerd and wave box cutters at them. Mind you, this was happening in the Magnet class.

Sending my brother to Catholic school changed the game, but only a little. There, the kids steal the nerd’s cell phone and call his parents saying that the nerd has been hit by a car and needs someone to get them at the hospital!

They’re materialistic and spoiled rotten – When did toys become ridiculously expensive? My Little Pony’s, Barbie’s, Transformers, and GI Joe’s used to cost about $10 each. I went into the toy store the other day and saw a $30 Barbie. Thirty dollars! It wasn’t even one of those “collectible” ones either. Still, it didn’t matter what the Barbie cost since the only thing kids want these days are overpriced video games.

As a kid, the most expensive thing I wanted was a beeper. Remember when beepers were the hottest thing to have? Sure, they require a few extra steps than a cell phone, but who wouldn’t prefer a wallet sized beeper as opposed to the giant Zach Morris phone? How I used to envy everyone who proudly wore their beepers clipped onto theirs backpacks, binders, belts, or clothing! My mom wouldn’t let me have one, even when I got a job and saved more than enough to pay for it myself. According to her, only drug dealers needed beepers.

I’m sure my mother wishes now that the only thing my brother wanted was a beeper. Instead, she’s trying to appease the constant demands of new cell phones, new IPod models, new video games and consoles, new Jordans, and any type of clothing with a rappers name on it.

They can get away with almost anything- because they have parents that indulge their spoiled behavior. Even my mother pampers my brother like crazy. She buys him the above mentioned items because “all the other kids in his class have them.” What happened to not indulging kids with everything they wanted in order to help them develop self control and learn the value of things?

Come to think of it, what happened to learning values and manners in general? In all the retail jobs I’ve worked, I’ve been astounded at how rude these children can be outside of their home. They would run around the store like The Tasmanian Devil, knocking down items and people along the way. No one would grasp them by the hand and tell them they better clean up the mess they made or else. No one would come running behind them, calling out their full name and telling them that running is dangerous. No one would make the children apologize to the employees who were knocked down as a result of the dangerous running. In fact, there have been too many times a child has run smack into me, fallen down, cried, and had their parent come and glare at me like I pushed the kid down. Damn, with the daggers that were being shot at me, I might as well have knocked the brat down and gotten some enjoyment.

They KNOW they can get away with anything – Nothing is more annoying than a trouble maker who knows he is immune from any discipline. That’s why kids cause all this trouble. They know that they can say anything and adults will laugh at their childlike boldness. They know that if they cry, adults will feel sorry for them and forgive them anything. They know that if they put on the doe eyes, adults will buy them whatever toy they desire. It’s with this knowledge of their control that they grow up to be cocky adults.

Like the jerk I encountered at IKEA. I’m on line to buy some 50 cent hot dogs and this kid is rolling all over the place. Rolling! Already you know he’s spoiled because his parents bought him those ridiculous sneaker/roller skates. Was walking around really so hard to do in the first place? Anyway, as he rolls around he’s bumping into shelves, knocking packages of cookies and bottles of lingonberry juice concentrate to the ground. It’s only a matter of time before something or someone falls onto him. It figures that he decides to whiz by me as I walk up to the cashier.

When he bumped into me and fell, I put on a smile and in the kind-voice-reserved-only-for-children said “Oops! Watch where you’re going!” He stayed pouting on the floor and I knelt down to help him up, only to be brushed aside by a large woman. “You need to watch where you’re going, missy” she snapped. As I fumed while they walked away the kid turned around, looked at me, and chuckled. Chuckled! How dare he; I’ve killed men for less than that.

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