For a Pessimist, I am Pretty Optimistic

Supermodel Gisele Bündchen was discovered by talent scouts while eating at a McDonald’s. Victoria’s Secret’s Adriana Lima was discovered by an agent in a mall when she was 15 years old.

I was discovered at the age of 20 at the bus stop on Northern Blvd.

Okay, so obviously I’m not some famous model, but I really was “discovered”!  I had just spent an unsuccessful hour waiting at the local beauty salon, Images*.  All I needed was a quick trim and blow out, but when I sat in the beautician’s chair, she confessed that she wasn’t sure just how to cut my “ethnic” hair. Annoyed, but appreciating her honesty, I impatiently waited for the Q31 bus to take me to Jamaica Avenue.

Suddenly, I’m approached by this guy asking me if I ever thought of modeling. After giving me an extremely suspicious schpeal for about 5 minutes, he hands me a card, tells me to check out his website and give him a call. I pocketed the card, but was convinced it was a scam of sorts.

Oh, he was legit. In fact, he worked for a pretty well established agency. The catch was, however, that he was leaving to start up his own agency and was looking for clients. So alas, I was not signed with Elite or IMG Models, but instead with Flyy Divas International.

Just what wonderful bookings did I score? Guess, Versace, Sears? Ha, I wish. Most of the time, all of the models would meet at his office in Brooklyn to pack into a van and he would drive us out to some car event where we would pass out flyers.

After a few months of car shows and random test shots with photography students, and I was told I had been booked for a fashion show. I met up with the lady who was in charge to try on a few outfits and get the rest of the details. Turns out, it was a lingerie fashion show. The lady was opening up a new store and bought out space at a local venue for the show.  

“Actually, I didn’t buy the space, one of the judges did.”

“Judges?” I asked.

“Didn’t your agent tell you? At the end of the night, there’s going to be a contest and the best model will win $500 cash.”

$500?!  “What do I have to do?”

“Just show up and try to look as sexy as possible. You know, the whole works – hair, makeup, nails. Which reminds me, here’s a little secret: the head judge has a thing for feet.  So, you know, maybe get a pedicure and wear some nail polish that matches your outfit. Okay?”

What was I supposed to say to that? “Um, okay?”

Noticing my hesitance, she added “As a bonus, no matter whether you win or lose, you’ll get to keep your outfit.”

Eh what the hell, I thought. A free outfit is a free outfit, and it wasn’t as if I had anything better to do.

Skeptical yet optimistic, I arrived at the local venue the day of the show.  As soon as I realized that the teeny Mexican bar I was staring at was the “venue”, I should have turned away. But instead I went inside to meet up with the other models, Amanda and Kelly. As we gossiped, I noticed the bar getting more and more crowded.   

“So, what’s going on tonight? Where’s the show and contest going to be?” I asked “there are so many people, I can’t imagine there’s any room.”

“What show?” was Amanda’s response. “There’s no show. There’s a contest, but that’s not til later.”

What?! “So what are we doing until then? Just hanging out?”

“Nope. First we have to change and then the lady from the store gave me these for us to hand out,” Amanda said and then took out a box full of fliers. I groaned.

The next 2 hours were filled with the three of us squeezing through the crowd passing out fliers and asking girls to sign up for the lingerie stores’ mailing list. What a stupid task that was. Seriously girls, would you be eager to give some barely dressed girl your email address? I sure hell as wouldn’t and was not surprised at all every time someone gave us the stink eye.

Finally, Amanda spotted a guy across the room and squealed. “That’s Dilbert, he’s going to be the judge tonight!”  And what do you know? Dilbert was a regular at the bar I used to waitress for. He immediately recognized me, which I was pleased with. Not only had he been a generous tipper, but I also knew that he always found me attractive. Smiling to myself, I felt the prize money was mine.

After another hour or so, the bar had been arranged so that there was a clear space in the center. The girls and I lined up in the back as Dilbert addressed the room. “Hey everyone thanks for coming! Welcome to Mexicana’s first ever foot fetish contest!”

A-whaaaaaaaaaaa?  Did I hear wrong? Not at all!

I stared in shock as Dilbert managed to line up 7 other girls from the crowd in front of us. The voice in my head kept saying leave, leave, leave! Ha, thanks sense and reason for interjecting, but now was a little too late. There was no way I could slip through the crowd un-seen, especially in my non existent outfit. Nope, I was too much of a coward to do that. Resigning myself to my fate, thought “Well if I’m gonna do this, then I might as well win that damn prize!”

I focused my attention on Dilbert as he sat the first contestant in a chair, crouched down to take off her sneaker, and then nuzzled his face against her sock clad foot. With the second girl, he removed her sock. By the time her had gotten to the 5th girl he was kissing their toes! Kelly and I grew more and more nervous; it was obvious she had been as in the dark as I had. Amanda, however, was happily chatting away with a busboy.

Next thing I knew, it was Kelly’s turn. Sitting in the chair, she revealed to the crowd a bunch of cherries that she was holding in her hand. Taking 4 and sticking them between her toes, she held out her foot as Dilbert ate them while nibbling on her toes. And lord help me, I couldn’t help but think “Where the hell did she get those damn cherries?” I frantically looked around for some sort of prop or food item. All that I could find was half a bottle of white wine. I quickly filled up a glass as Dilbert called my name.

Forming my mouth into what I hoped was a seductive smile, I sauntered around the bar. I could barely hear the crowd over the sound of my pounding heart, but if I wanted to win I had to “commit to the moment”. I held up my glass of wine, displaying it to the crowd. Then I took a sip and nearly gagged at the dryness. Seriously, I think that was the most awful wine ever created. Lucky me! Still, I smiled and managed to take another sip, all the while smiling prettily.

Approaching the chair, my mind started chanting oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. There was Dilbert, sitting on the floor, his eyes glazed in happiness.  The minute I sat down I knew he would be slobbering over my freshly painted toes. The crowd was cheering more than ever, I really egged them on and they wanted to see what I would do with the wine. I wanted to know myself!

At that moment, I was hit with a burst of inspiration. If I was going to be subjected to this, then it would be on my terms. I stood over Dilbert and pushed my foot down on his mouth, forcing him down on the floor further. A la Salma Hayek in “From Dusk Til Dawn”, I began to pour my glass of wine down my leg. As the fluid flowed down my leg and splashed all around Dilbert’s mouth, I couldn’t help but smirk. This made the crowd cheer even more. To them it probably looked like I was enjoying it in some sort of dominatrix way, but in truth, I was smiling over the fact that Dilbert was being force fed that crap awful wine. When the glass was almost empty, I took another sip. Slightly pushing Dilbert aside with my foot, I turned and sauntered back to the other girls. As the crowd cheered I thought “I’d like to see Amanda try to top that!”

Amanda was called last. She jumped in the air, squealed, and grabbed a shopping bag as she practically ran over to the chair. “What the hell does she have?” Kelly asked, but Amanda answered the question for us. Opening the bag, she revealed a can a Redi-Whip and a coconut custard pie! Incredulous, I exclaimed “Not fair! She had time to prepare!”

After Amanda returned to us, somehow sticky from head to toe, Dilbert brought the crowd to a hush so he could announce the winners. 3rd place went to Kelly, 2nd place went to me, and 1st place went to, of course, Amanda. She cheered and squealed and jumped more than before, if that’s possible. “Ohmygod, I am so excited! Girls give me your numbers; I’m taking us to dinner!” With those words, she disappeared within the crowd, never to be seen again.

Kelly and I changed and sat in the back waiting for Amanda to return. Kelly opened her prize. She had gotten a 50 dollar gift certificate to a local tanning salon. We laughed so hard when we saw that. With her already dark skin if she got a tan, she’d look like she was burnt!

“Okay, I think it’s time for me to go now,” she said and stood.

“Shouldn’t we keep waiting for Amanda?’ I asked.

 “She’s not coming back,” she laughed and with a kiss on my check, she left.

I sighed to myself and opened my envelope. I had also gotten a gift certificaten and read the little card that was included. “Congratulations, you have received a $250 gift certificate courtesy of Images Salon! Please bring this note as well as the attached receipt to your closest location!”

*all names of people and businesses have been cutely changed.

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