For a Pessimist, I am Pretty Optimistic

As some of you may know, I have spent almost the past year searching for “The Dream Job”.  After interviewing, and sometimes working, for every industry under the sun, I was about to give up my quest when I found IT. Babeland, my favorite sex shop, was looking to hire a Sales Associate/Educator for one of its Manhattan locations. In no time my fingers were typing up a customized cover letter and shortly after I had sent it, I received a response. I’m sure they were able to tell my enthusiasm just through the email and I practically squealed after I confirmed the interview date.

However, the interview was not like what I expected. First off, no one uttered the words boob, dick, ass, clit, cunt, wang, etc. No one asked me what my favorite vibe was. In fact the only time they mentioned sex was when I was asked the question “How do you define sexual expression?” (In case you were wondering, I responded with some fluff answer that freedom was expression blah blah blah)

Second, the two associates interviewing me were using one of those corporate generated questionnaires. So not only was I being asked silly questions about my retailing skills (sometimes the same question just phrased differently), but after every answer they’d put their heads down and scribble away.

The combination of these things (along with the fact that I’m always nervous during interviews) made me quite uncomfortable. I mean, already I couldn’t use a majority of my primary vocabulary, but seriously who is comfortable with answering questions to the top of someone’s head? I also found it amusing that in a retail environment where eye contact with the customer is one of the most important things, I was unable to get it from the interviewer.

Suffice it to say I didn’t get the job. At least they were kind enough to call me, but you could tell that the guy didn’t know me from Adam. Well, it’s their loss because I would think as their best customer, I would be the ultimate sales person. No matter. That won’t stop me from trying to impart my wisdom to my friends.

It’s funny the reactions I get when I discuss sex toys, positions, videos etc with certain people. For the most part, everyone seems to take it in stride. After all, it’s not like I’m known for being full of tact. But I couldn’t help getting slightly defensive at the reaction I got when I was chatting with a certain friend. Not the most sexually experienced person, I felt he could benefit from the news that one of Babelands’s best sellers was on sale. Guess I was wrong because he simply glanced at me as if I had grown 4 additional heads and took his leave as soon as the television program we were watching ended. I seriously don’t know what disturbed him so; we had been discussing our favorite porn starts prior!

Since my friends don’t seem to want to benefit from my two cents, perhaps some of you will. Here are some of my favorite gadgets (some tried, some on my wish list):

1.       SaSi – At $185.00, this is definitely on my wish list and once I can scrounge up the money the investment will be well worth it. Smooth with a great contouring shape, SaSi is promoted as having “Sensual Intelligence.” This is just a fancy way of saying it’s programmable to your favorite settings/speeds, which may sound simple, but is really quite a wonderful thing! And for all you ladies out there who have been annoyed at a partner who changes their technique right as you’re about to get off, the SaSi actually has a “don’t stop” button.

2.       Jenna’s Velvet Jewel Vibe – Endorsed by Jenna Jameson (not Haze), don’t let the association make you think this is something over the top. At only 4 inches, this vibrator is recommended for beginners. For seasoned veterans, this is perfect for quickly getting the job done…and the pretty lavender and pink colored rhinestones at the base give it a nice girlish quality.

3.       The Cone – Know highly as a couple’s toy, most men love to buy this for their girlfriends so they can sit on this while administering a blow job. But that’s not its only use! The users’ manual includes sketches of 9 optimal positions, but if you’re creative I’m sure you can think of others. The 16 different settings, including an “orgasm button”, are great for alone play, but too much of a distraction with a partner!

4.       Gigi – This rechargeable vibe curves up at the end of its silicone shaft to help get to the elusive g-spot. Besides having a shape that meshes well with most women, it’s also super duper quiet. Warning: just like a cell phone, don not overcharge it!

5.       I Rub My Duckie – This is a personal pick simply because it receives excellent reviews and it always gives me a chuckle when I see it on the shelf. Shaped and feeling exactly like a rubber duckie, this is good for those who enjoy underwater stimulation. Most women leave this next to their tub and others who see it have no idea what it’s really used for.

6.       Blossom Sleeve (for men) – When mentioned to my self-proclaimed open minded guy friends, they always get squirmy and weird. I’m not sure if it’s the idea of being a male and using something called a sex toy or if it’s because a girl is recommending it to them.   Either way, they (and any man who balks at this idea) should come to their senses.

Yes, the Blossom Sleeve is called a masturbation toy, yet unlike the novelty Fleshlight (I know you guys know what I’m talking about) this is not only less creepy looking, but it enables a super easy, non-messy clean up. The 4 inches of jelly rubber has groves, ribs, and nubs that allow way more sensation than can be experienced with ones hand. And for those of you men who say they would never use a toy on themselves, then hand it over (pun intended) to your girlfriend/wife/partner.

7.       Sonic Ring Kit – Another couples toy, this is simply a cock ring with a detachable Sterling Vibe. Made also of jelly rubber, when worn not only will give you a prolonged and more sensitive erection, but the extra nub of material (with of without the vibe) can be positioned to provide stimulation to the clit. Tip: to make sure the ring is not too tight, stretch it around a soda bottle the day prior to using it.

Comments RSS