For a Pessimist, I am Pretty Optimistic

(To those who are wondering, yes it seems like I lied. I should be writing a movie review since its Saturday, but…)

I’ve been out all day with my husband looking at apartments. Since it’s pretty much the end of the month and we’ve told our landlady we would be out by August, this seems horribly last minute, but it wasn’t our faults!

I found this wonderful garden apartment just 15 minutes away from where we live. Hardwood floors, large bedroom, 2 walk in closets…it was enough to make me overlook the fact that the refrigerator was probably as old as my grandfather. Hoping to make a deposit on the place so we could move in September, the landlady said that she would take our deposit, but it would be forfeited if someone wanted the apartment and was able to move in August.

Hmm. Harsh, but in a time where the market is absolutely horrible, I can understand that the lady wants to instill a little fear in us to make sure we don’t squelch.

 It worked too. Though we didn’t leave the deposit, we quickly called our current landlady to see if she would be okay with us ending the lease a month early. All it took was a little begging from me (“PLEASE don’t make me live in a basement apartment just because it’s the only thing available for September”) and lots of promises from my husband that he would fix a few things around the place and we had her blessing. However, all of this took up two weeks worth of time.  We were worried that the apartment would be taken by now.

It hadn’t and in fact, another ad had been placed online. Excitedly, I called the lady and made arrangements to meet with her so we could put down the deposit and sign the lease.

While going over all the particulars with her, I asked, “The security deposit is 2 months rent, right?”

“Actually the deposit is 3 months,” she replied.

What?! I thought. Instead I just looked at her and blinked as I tried reply in my mind just what could have made me look over a fact like that. We were already being stretched thin with the thought of 2 months of security (as opposed to just one month) on top of the first month’s rent.

“Um, I don’t remember seeing that mentioned in the ad,” I ventured. “I could have sworn it said only 2 months rent would be required.”

“Technically, its 2 months rent,” she replied. “The other month is for the brokers’ fee.”

“But aren’t you the owner? I know I found the ad in the apartments listed by owners section of Craig’s List.”

She looked at me as if I were a child. “Yes I’m the owner, but there’s still a fee because the realtor was the one who posted the ad.”

I was flabbergasted at this point and did my usual talking-before-thinking routine. “So you mean to tell me that you had someone post an ad on Craig’s List and then handled everything yourself and now they get a months rent? That’s pretty expensive for barely any effort; you know the ads only cost 25 dollars or something.”

“Oh, I hate figuring out that posting stuff,” she said “It’s better to have someone else do it.”

“Of course it is, since you’re not the one who’s paying for it,” I couldn’t help but snap.

So we didn’t get the apartment. Even if we did have the money, I wasn’t about to give that much money to someone who just typed up a few sentences and forgot about it.

Seriously, why as tenants must we have to pay these fees when the landlord is the one who is benefiting? In most cases, the realtor is the one who places up the ads, handles all points of contact, runs credit checks, hosts viewings of the place….all for the landlord because they are too damn lazy to do it themselves. Really, how difficult is it to answer a phone and open a door for someone? It’s the least they can do; as long as the landlord isn’t renting a piece of shit place that’s falling apart, all they really need to do is show the apartment until its rented, then sit back and collect those monthly checks for a year (or whenever the lease is up).

Of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to pay in situations where the tenant actually goes to the realtor and says “Here’s what I want, call me with an appropriate selection in 3 days time,” and leaves to go trade stocks or play golf or something (note how I imagine it can only be a fancy rich person who is able to afford this “luxury”).

But what usually happens is this:

1.       You search for hours everyday on sites like Craig’s List for a moderately priced apartment.

2.       You try to make contact and hear no response. You spend days calling and finally reach someone who when you say “I’m calling in response to your ad,” they say “Yes….?” as if they don’t know what you could possibly want. (or for those who answer a no fee brokers ad, you make no contact with no response. Then when they get back to you a week later, they tell you about the many offers they have Brooklyn…but you had called them about a place in Long Island).

3.       You end up taking off a day from work or rushing to see the place during your lunch break because the landlord isn’t available to show the apartment during any time that would possibly be convenient to you in any way.

4.       Even though the market is terrible and the landlord should be kissing your feet for being interested in the slightest, they will still make a fuss when you tell them you need the afternoon to gather up copies of your previous tax return, various pay stubs, credit report, references, STD results, and anything else they could think of to make it more difficult for you.

After all this, how could someone have the nerve to expect you to pay an additional fee for enjoying the “perk” of this ad being placed…as if the landlord is greatly sacrificing something extra for just doing the minimum of what they need to do.  It’s not like they are renting the place solely for the good of providing shelter to others; they obviously want that check every month!

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