For a Pessimist, I am Pretty Optimistic

(Title quote from the 1940 movie “The Shop Around The Corner”)

I hate people who are leeches, but I attract them anyway. Lord knows how many losers I’ve got out with and practically every “good” friend I’ve made has dropped me as soon as they were done using me.

I can’t blame them - after all, I let myself become an easy target, especially when there are others telling me to watch out for them.  Like last year, when I met a struggling actor from Montana who never had a cent on him. I felt bad when I’d visit at his over-priced closet sized apartment in the East Village and watch him eat a can of sardines because “that’s all I have”. Little did I know that he came from a wealthy family and was just living this lifestyle because it was his “new philosophy in life.” Interesting how he thought he was humbling himself to live the “impoverished” lifestyle, but didn’t have a problem letting me pay for all sorts of things when we’d hang out.

They say with friends, you have to take the good with the bad and love them despite their flaws. I’ve always taken this into account, but it seems like there are too many people who are lacking in this trait. As it is, I lost a group of “friends” in less than a week just because I moved fifteen minutes away from where they lived. But can I really use them as an example? The more I think about it, they were probably using me so they could have my apartment as a hang out.

Yet even though I try to accept everyone, thorns and all, there’s one friend who I don’t know what to do with. Let’s call him…Sam.  See, Sam and I were friends in junior high and some of high school until we went our separate ways, mostly because he started hanging out with ego inflated jerks. After ten years I decided for fucks sake I’d attempt to contact him and whatdaya know, even after all the years that had passed, he was living at his parents again.

As soon as he learned that I had moved nearby, we quickly reconnected. He was over all the time and would bring with him the above mentioned lazy group of friends. When I was moving again and they stopped talking to me, he voluntarily promised we would still be close friends. He managed to do this for a few months. Most of the time we would text each other when we were bored and he’d visit me a few times in between until one day he didn’t return my call until weeks later.

Since then, I receive sporadic calls from him. Usually he would wax on about how good his hair looks and how everyone is checking him out while he’s talking to me and walking down the street. Sometimes he’ll tell me about a night out, always introduced with some crazy excuse why no one invited me. Other times he calls to ask me a favor of some kind.

But nothing is the worst than when he texts me “What r u up to tonight?” This is always followed by a phone call which lately I don’t answer. When I would, here’s how the conversation would proceed:

Him: Hey, what’cha up to now?

Me: Not much. Just did some errands, I’ll probably head to the store in a minute.

Him: Oh? Where are you going?

Me: Just to the supermarket. I’ll probably pick up some chicken to make when Konrad gets back from work.

Him: Well, if you wanna hang out before he comes, I can come by as soon as I get back to the area.

Me: Sure, why not?

An hour later, he’ll show up. We’ll talk for a bit, most of it being him complaining about someone who set him up on a blind date with an overweight girl.  When he asks what I’ve been up to, he’ll promptly take out his phone and text throughout whatever story I tell. When I’m done, he’ll then pick up my remote and put on one of the same 3 shows he only watches. We’ll watch TV for a bit until he asks, “So what’s going on with that chicken you mentioned before?”

At first I didn’t mind the cooking; I do love being the hostess. But that day we only had 5 pieces of chicken and as it were, my husband and I were probably going to duke it out for the extra piece. Instead, the three of us stood in the kitchen, plates in hand, wondering how to evenly divide the portions when Sam suggested, “How about I take three and you guys take the other two?” I laughed, but he was serious!

There’s only so much I can stand and only so long that the wool can be over my eyes. Ignore me, insult me behind my back, use me for money…just don’t ever think of coming between me and a good meal!

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